Side stories overdone in NCAA Tournament, sporting events - WLOX.com - The News for South Mississippi

Note to tourney announcers: We hear you, please stop

These guys are the story of the NCAA tournament, not the insanely beautiful wife of their head coach. (Source: FGCU Athletics) These guys are the story of the NCAA tournament, not the insanely beautiful wife of their head coach. (Source: FGCU Athletics)

(RNN) - Anything to fill time. That is apparently the motto of all announcers sitting on the sidelines of NCAA Tournament games.

You think they drop those anecdotes in the middle of possessions to add color?

No, my friend. They just need a way to entertain you while hiding their exasperation over having basketball injected into their veins for the past three weeks.

You might fight mental fatigue with dry wine. They fight mental fatigue with dry stories.

But we got news for you, play-by-play analysts, bloggers and slightly unattractive men who only crawl out of your holes to spew "expert knowledge" of a sporting event that defies predictability:

We. Don't. Care.

There, I said it. Someone had to. If we hear a story once, it may be slightly entertaining, possibly even interesting. But you guys kill the beauty of filling in the blanks by running with something until it drops dead.

The only reason we don't hate you is because there aren't many people in the world talented enough to scream for three consecutive days without breaking a sweat, so we kind of need you.

But we definitely don't need this:

Gushing over coaches' hot wives

The first lady of Florida Gulf Coast University, head coach Andy Enfield's wife, is a former swimsuit model. Good for her and good for Andy.

You TV guys could at least give her the dignity of mentioning her name (it's Amanda Marcum, by the way) before flashing pictures of her in a bikini.

Anyone who isn't over this already has probably found her old magazine covers and taped them to a pillow. Just saying.

Brackets sandwiched between Hooters girls

Really, ESPN?

It's bad enough that we have to stealthily peruse our brackets during work hours, lest we get caught doing something unproductive at work.

Now we have to explain why there are two buxom women in barely adequate clothing on either side of our computer screens.

Your "creative marketing" has not only added to the already high stress level of 8-to-5'ers everywhere, it has also significantly increased the workload of HR departments.

We hope you're happy with yourselves.

Rick Pitino "honoring" his players

By naming his race horses after them. This is an old story, but it came back up because (and this is a guess) journalists who cover Louisville got tired of talking about how good the team is.

Because really, who wants to watch a basketball game and hear thoughtful analysis of one of the most balanced teams in the country for 40 minutes? Well, maybe Joe Lunardi and Nate Silver. Wait, that was meant to be a rhetorical question.

On the other hand, it beats naming your kids after fruits or colors, [insert random celebrity couple here].

Marshall Henderson's absurdity

It's cute in a Tasmanian devil sort of way, but we have eyes. We see the kid is clearly not an "aw shucks, just trying to help the team win" type of ball player.

Why do we need a cutaway shot and replays every single time he celebrates a 3-pointer with his landshark impersonation? As an aside, that also looks like the word for "father" in American Sign Language (it helps to be bilingual these days, you know).

This might have been a better story if Ole Miss had a greater chance of winning this tournament. But as it stands, the coverage of Henderson's antics turned him and the team into a sideshow, which is unfortunate.

Jim Larranaga's Muhammad Ali impersonation

This is actually pretty cool, to tell the truth. Who doesn't want to see a 63-year-old man firing up his team with an impersonation of the Greatest of All Time?

We can enjoy this until it shows up about a dozen times during a game, turns into a meme and annoys us until it dies a slow, digital death.

Also worth noting: Christian Laettner listened to Public Enemy and Smashing Pumpkins before games (which explains a lot); Barry Larkin thinks his son, Shane, could have joined him in the 30-30 club; Oregon was underrated (perhaps the selection committee is overrated?).

Copyright 2013 Raycom News Network. All rights reserved.

  • NEWSMore>>

  • Gulfport's Matt Luke fulfills a dream to become Ole Miss Head Football Coach

    Gulfport's Matt Luke fulfills a dream to become Ole Miss Head Football Coach

    Tuesday, July 25 2017 12:10 AM EDT2017-07-25 04:10:04 GMT

    The Luke family has been committed to Ole Miss for years.  On Monday Matt Luke met the media in Oxford four days after taking over the head coaching reins from Hugh Freeze.

    More >>

    The Luke family has been committed to Ole Miss for years.  On Monday Matt Luke met the media in Oxford four days after taking over the head coaching reins from Hugh Freeze.

    More >>
  • Matt Luke introduced as Ole Miss interim head coach

    Matt Luke introduced as Ole Miss interim head coach

    Monday, July 24 2017 11:58 PM EDT2017-07-25 03:58:50 GMT
    WLBTWLBT

    14 years as part of the Ole Miss football program as a coach or player has prepared Matt Luke for this opportunity. Admittedly it doesn't come under the circumstances he might've envisioned. But with a Rebel bloodline that runs 3 generations deep, the position fulfills a lifelong dream. "I can truly tell y'all today that this is my dream job," Luke said Monday at his first press conference as Ole Miss interim head coach. "It's a job that I've been preparing my whole li...

    More >>

    14 years as part of the Ole Miss football program as a coach or player has prepared Matt Luke for this opportunity. Admittedly it doesn't come under the circumstances he might've envisioned. But with a Rebel bloodline that runs 3 generations deep, the position fulfills a lifelong dream. "I can truly tell y'all today that this is my dream job," Luke said Monday at his first press conference as Ole Miss interim head coach. "It's a job that I've been preparing my whole li...

    More >>
  • Rain puts Pascagoula's new football turf on the clock

    Rain puts Pascagoula's new football turf on the clock

    Monday, July 24 2017 11:09 PM EDT2017-07-25 03:09:56 GMT
    Rain has slowed down construction crews as they attempt to put a new field turf at War Memorial Stadium (Photo Source: WLOX News Now)Rain has slowed down construction crews as they attempt to put a new field turf at War Memorial Stadium (Photo Source: WLOX News Now)

    The Pascagoula Panthers open the 2017 football season on the road. In fact, their first three games are road contests. That scheduling quirk may give field turf crews just enough time to get War Memorial Stadium ready for the September 8 home opener. The wet weather in South Mississippi is placing quite the burden on construction workers as they attempt to complete stadium renovations. The project was suppose to be finished before the beginning of Pascagoula's football season.

    More >>

    The Pascagoula Panthers open the 2017 football season on the road. In fact, their first three games are road contests. That scheduling quirk may give field turf crews just enough time to get War Memorial Stadium ready for the September 8 home opener. The wet weather in South Mississippi is placing quite the burden on construction workers as they attempt to complete stadium renovations. The project was suppose to be finished before the beginning of Pascagoula's football season.

    More >>
Powered by Frankly